fearlessness

when i first mored to NY, i came as a singer/actress. and at risk of sounding arrogant, i did pretty well at it when it was my focus, working consistently both in the city and regionally. i stopped because i found that i was far more interested in working with my hands than being on stage. for example, i remember working with a wonderful regional shakespeare company where i would be frantically knitting in my dressing room as i listened to my entrance cue getting closer and closer, always making it but really just in the nick of time. in one NY production, i played an andrews sister and was sequestered in a small stage area between songs. don't you know i went out and got a book light so i could utilize that time knitting socks? the more i noticed this pattern emerging, the more i realized that i needed to find a way to make my handwork my profession.

i had already been working my 'day job' as a seamstress, and somewhere along the way developed an interest in millinery. i took a few classes, then landed an apprenticeship for a year and have never looked back. you know you're serious when you have the business cards printed.

what has struck me recently about this new pursuit is how much more fearless i am about it. because i've been working in the industry for so long, i had a lot of contacts ready and it didn't take long for the work calls to start coming in. anything from broadway to dance companies,  opera to burlesque and no matter what it is, i always seem to think, 'sure! i can do that!'. especially fun are the ones that are recreations of existing pieces, usually for an understudy or replacement cast member. it's like being handed a complex puzzle and is one of my favorite kind of projects to take on.

but the most amazing thing truly is the fearlessness. i was never this fearless as a performer, or certainly not this confident. no project is too daunting and i find i never second guess myself. on a very rare occasions the little voice in my head says, 'but...wait..are you sure you can do this...?' and i easily shut it out. it feels wonderful to live without fear, at least in this part of my life. and i makes me that much hungrier for the next project.